3 Things Being TeeTotal Teaches You

This is light-hearted


A common question I get asked is “What is it like being TeeTotal”. I find this question somewhat bemusing – as people cannot seem to picture what life without a drink. Although I’ve run through the benefits in a more serious article you can read here: (What Happens After 1 Year Of Not Drinking) I’ve wanted to paint a much more light picture of what life is like sober.

So Enjoy.

1) Your Life Revolves Around Sparkling Water.


There isn’t an overstatement – this is the only drink you can consume – there is currently no alternative to drinking sparkling water in nightclubs, pubs or restaurants.

You then become addicted to it, it takes over your life and you soon seem to find yourself exploring different types of sparkling water – so much so I added up ordering Sparkling Rosemary Water from Harvey Nichols for £4,00 a bottle.

Audacious, I know. But worth every penny!

Here is a business idea for free: An actual non-alcoholic drink someone could drink throughout a night.

J2O – After 2 sips you feel like your mouth is sticking together

Coca-Cola – destroy’s your insides

Mocktails – overpriced Fruit Juice

Rosemary Sparkling Water:


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2) You See The Stages Of Everyone Getting Drunk


I’ve had a lot of amazing nights out with friends – same as everyone else – the nights you wake up and think “God I’m an idiot” or “Didn’t we get so fucked up last night” it is only now going on nights out that you can actually see stages of an individual getting drunk.

10pm – 12pm Fun Drunk:

Everyone is having a good time – conversation is flowing and having fun

12pm – 1am Slur:

People start coming up to you slurring their words

1am – 2.30 am Blur:

Everyone has that drunk look in their eyes and no one actually speaks anymore

This is when I go home

2.30am – onwards “Drunk – Drunk”:

It’s a free for all at this stage – every man for themselves – by this point I’m out of there!

You also learn everyone is a certain type of drunk:  the crier, the giggler, the flirt, the overly-sincere etc. You watch with amusement and/or despair as all your friends transform from rational humans into wide-eyed huggers or laughing maniacs, and spend a lot of time listening to people explain with earnest that Game of Thrones is worth watching and that people should be more considerate to the local dormouse population.

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3.All Bars (and people) are Grim


Everywhere is sticky, dirty and messy – the people aren’t much better themselves. It is eye opening just observing drunk people – I tried to find a way to explain it but this video does it much better:


Hope you enjoyed!

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